When things go wrong, but turn out better
What making mini lemon loaves taught me — because anything can be that deep lol
For my home bakery, Cookie Cazimi, I’m known to make chunky cookies like Levain and Crumbl. Funny enough, I’ve never had either!
Anyways, I had bought different types of marshmallows to try workshop new chunky cookie flavors, but generally marshmallow cannot survive a 17 minute baking time, which is how long I bake my 3.5 ounce cookies for.
By the way, I really can’t believe the short baking times most online recipes call for (at such high temperatures, too).
So, I just had marshmallows sitting around. I was thinking about how to use them up and one day I decided to make crispy thin s’mores cookies instead.
At first, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to sell a 3.5 ounce thin & crispy cookie or make it smaller and sell it for less. As background, everything I sell is 3.5 ounces each and are sold for the same price of $6 each.
Then, I had the genius idea of doing gift with purchases, so I can bake pretty much anything at any size!
I also thought it would be a great way to boost sales because while I already had a buy 5, get 1 free deal — it’s hard to upsell someone who’s only buying 2 cookies to get 6 lol.
If you bought at least 3 chunky cookies, then you qualified for the gift with purchase.
Watching my YouTube short or reading my Mini Lemon Loaf blog post, you’ll know that things went terribly wrong with the s’mores cookies lol.
I don’t know what the fuck happened, but I made a lemon loaf recipe I already knew and loved instead.
Good thing it was quick to whip up because it was 9 pm the night before the market o.O
Spoiler Alert: I ran out of all my mini lemon loaves! Three customers bought more cookies to specifically get the mini lemon loaf :)
Mini lemon loaves made me existential lol
Upon reflecting on the day, this is what I journaled: “the thing I had to do when things went wrong went more right than if the first thing had gone right.”
And that got me thinking about my life.
Like anybody else, I have regrets.
If I had picked a different major or decided to move across the country sooner, would my life be “better”?
Then I thought to myself — “Would it even be different?”
Depending on the day, this either stresses me out or comforts me.
I have a Sun-Saturn square, which is a challenging aspect because I’ve internalized a lot of the external pressures of society and how I should live my life.
So, I’ve always been hesitant to go after the things I desired without fear, which I think the biggest one for me is running out of money.
To be honest, the first 30 years of my life has always felt so out of control because so many people were trying to control me one way or another.
“If you take risks, you’re going to be a broke loser. Statistically, it’s not going to work out. Just skip the failure part and do the sensible thing that you’re likely going to do anyway. Don’t waste time.” — I hear this voice all the time.
Can you guess who it is?
No matter, even if I could go back to make different choices in my 20s, the outcome of everything before and during my Saturn return probably would have been the same.
And that makes me feel better most days because then I wasn’t “wrong.”
Am I a victim to my astrology?
Karmically, I was always meant to be under the thumb of some kind of bullshit authority — it would have all been the same even if I had a chance to go back in time and Groundhog Day every choice to the “perfect” life because it would have gotten fucked up somehow lol.
Because my Sun-Saturn square is the hardest aspect in my chart, the first 30 years of my life weren’t supposed to be easy.
And I wasn’t into astrology until my Saturn return, so it’s not like I had given up or felt like I didn’t have free will.
In fact, astrology sort of makes me feel better about how my life has turned out when I'm not in a spiral.
In the ‘90s, there was a research facility that tried to re-create a mini-Earth inside a sealed dome.
The trees in this artificial ecosystem grew quickly because the environment was designed to be perfect, but to the researchers surprise, the trees collapsed onto themselves as they couldn’t support their own weight.
Turns out that trees need wind e.g. stress in order to build resilience and grow.
That’s why wishing you only had trines and sextiles in your chart isn’t a good thing. Because life bites everyone in the ass — it’s just a matter of when.
Well, now that I’ve suffered enough, why don’t I feel like things are going my way?
I’ve been trying to get new job for like… the past 6 years lol. And while I know everything in the world has been going downhill in that time, it just feels like I can’t seem to get a move on with my life.
And that’s where I think astrology is actually helping me.
Do I really want another job?
No. I simply want more time and money.
On top of that, every astrologer I go to says that I’m not meant to have a job-job; that I’m meant to share my knowledge and insights because I have a Scorpio Mercury-Pluto conjunction and a Sagittarius North Node.
So, that’s why I’m running a home bakery, uploading to YouTube, blogging recipes, posting my sewing projects, selling digital products (that I already have because I made them for myself years ago), and writing newsletters.
Why try for a new job when I was going to use it as another middle man to try make money doing everything I’m doing right now?
Conclusion
Just like those trees, I’ve learned that I’m resilient and strong. All I can do is trust that detours will carry me further than the plans I once clung to.
I’m done chasing someone else’s version of stability, especially when their definition doesn’t even line up with mine, which is literally just a lot of money LOL
And honestly, it’s kind of sad. I’m living this so-called “dream,” and it’s not even that great…
That’s why I need to live my way. I have to trust the universe will finally answer back because now, I’m finally doing what I’m supposed to do: the fuck I want.
THIS ROUND’S DROP!
I release content in bundles — this round comes with:
📺 YouTube Short — Making Mini Lemon Loaves
📝 Blog Post — Mini Lemon Loaf Recipe
💌 Click here to check out the latest drop!